I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
