Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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