I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
