i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
