Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
