Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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