i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
