we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
