It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize