just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
