I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
