he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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