he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
