Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
