remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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