so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
