I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
