I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
