I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize