my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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