If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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