I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
