I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
