Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
