That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
