I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
