May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
