hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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