Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
