will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
