i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
