well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
