chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
