No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
