Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
