Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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