Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
