Just took my morning after pill in the library
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
