i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
