I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
