Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
