I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
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I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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