Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
