dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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