the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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