yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
