so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
