Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
