planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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