Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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