Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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