they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
