youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize