Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
