Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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