wrigley field is MILF paradise
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My hand turned me down
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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