His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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