how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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