Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
