Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
