But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
