Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
