Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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