can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
