Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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